Mental reset is needful sometimes, staying connected with yourself, uncover setbacks or releasing what needs to depart from your life is very important so you can reach your goals and help others do the same.

How many times have you asked yourself, ‘why do I feel disconnected from life!’ Numerous thoughts come to mind that should make a difference, but you feel stuck in every place movement should be.  I have been there, and it is not a good feeling.  Learning to take care of yourself can be challenging after spending so much time taking care of others.  Silent trauma can come in any form, and grief sometimes stays longer than expected.

For a few years, I was caring for my mom, making sure she was good, help was available at times, but she preferred me to take care of certain things, and of course, I showed up to do what she asked.  We had an awkward relationship, yet it did not stop me from caring for her when needed.  I mentioned the awkwardness because for years I felt like I was the last one she wanted to take care of her affairs, yet I was the one who was most available, it ended the day she went home to be with the Lord.

To be honest, I sense mom’s health was deteriorating long before she had those two pin strokes, that is when my silent traumas begin and were ongoing until she took her last breath.  The last seven months of her life were the most challenging, her health needs had increase.  Some I could provide and others I could not.  Although support was available, but no matter what, she inquired me to be present.  I saw my mom’s health up and downs.  After her fourth stroke which left her blind, came to be a dark place for her, and for me.  I have seen my mom go through some rough things in life, but this was the hardest.  I literally heard my mom say, “Lord, this is a strange place.”  I knew another shift was coming.  Not long after, I experienced another challenging moment, the day I watched as they closed the casket on my mom’s body.  My thoughts were, “Now what?”  I would tell people I am fine, but the truth was I trying to find myself, my mom was gone.

Now three and a half years later I am still releasing silent traumas and struggling to find my place.  My writings have changed, my paintings have changed, even my relationships with people have changed.

I’m writing this in hopes that someone else who is going through a season you don’t understand why you are struggling with continuing with your vision, dreams and life itself, you are not alone; the silent traumas will subside as you keep moving forward with your visions.  Spending time with the Lord is important; He is the One who knows how to navigate you through the silent traumas so you can stand on the other side of them seeing the strength it took for you to endure all of it.

Today, I thank the Lord for holding me through it all!  He grants me so much peace til when chaotic situations raised up, it was His incredible strength that held me up in the last moment of laying my mom to rest.

From Marian’s Desk with Love

©️2026 by Marian Louise

P.S.

This is for the individual who needs to hear that you did well caring for your loved one.  Now, it is time to work on the vision you once desired.